“President” Bush gave his speech tonight at the U.S. Army War College at Carlisle Barracks, PA to make sure everybody understood that he has a clear plan for Iraq. Bush started the night off with some tough words. “This vile display shows a contempt for all the rules of warfare and all the bounds of civilized behavior.” Bush then added, “But that’s enough about me. Let’s talk about the terrorists.”

Bush also took advantage of the opportunity to once again demonstrate his disapproval of what we can only assume was supposed to be “Abu Ghraib” and not “Abu GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!” Really George, if you can’t pronounce it properly just say “Abu Grabe” like everybody else.

But Bush wasted no time in outlining his master plan.

1. Hand over authority of Iraq to…somebody.
2. Establish security now that he has turned the country into a breeding ground for terrorists and anti-American armies.
3. Rebuild Iraq’s infrastructure. Apparently, somebody spent quite a bit of time indiscriminately bombing things over there.
4. Encourage more international support after telling the United Nations to screw off…because it just wouldn’t be challenging enough otherwise. Not that he’s willing to give other nations the authority they need to do what needs to be done in Iraq. Actually, just send the troops and the money, and we’ll take care of the rest. And can you have that gift wrapped while you’re at it? Thanks, Kofi. You’re a sweetheart.
5. And finally, in the end there will be a national election in which Iraq will dissolve into a Shiite theocracy. That, or the Iraqis will revolt when they realize that America isn’t going to let them have a Shiite theocracy.

Well, that sounds like a plan to me. And I’m sure this will rally the country behind him amidst falling poll numbers despite the fact that his speech was basically pasted together from parts of previous speeches and added absolutely nothing new. If that doesn’t get people onboard, I don’t know what will.