Who can forget Attorney General John Ashcroft’s performance of his hit single “Let the Eagle Soar?” Lord, I wish I could. But now, not to be outdone by some Bible thumper, Secretary of State Colin Powell put on his hard hat and took to the stage with his very own rendition of the Village People’s “YMCA.” Just the Bush administration’s way of telling the homosexual community, “We still won’t let you get married, but if you vote for us we’ll let you keep your songs.”

Of course, it may not be up to the same standard as the music of Utah Senator Orrin Hatch. But this is a real start. Imagine it. The Republicans could all leave office and go into the music business. We could have George W. singing Jars of Clay’s “Boy on a String.” We could have Dick Cheney do Pink Floyd’s “Money.” Karl Rove on “Who Let the Dogs Out.” Condi Rice on Fleetwood Mac’s “Little Lies.” And for neoconservative Richard Perle? Well, what else but Charlie Daniels’ “Devil Went Down to Georgia?”

This could be a great new start for the Bush administration. After all, as Tucker Carlson showed us in his hard hitting interview with Britney Spears, singing and politics go hand in hand. Said the wise and respected stateswoman Britney Spears, “Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision he makes and should just support that, you know, and be faithful in what happens.” Of course, even though Spears demonstrated a greater understanding of policy matters in that statement than most of the Bush administration has in four years, at least she was smart enough to realize where her true talents lie. I realized today that this is the very problem with conservatives like Ashcroft and Hatch. They missed their true calling. They don’t belong in politics.

So here’s what I suggest. George, take your people, leave the White House, and head out on the road. But who will take your place? How can the Republicans come up with a winning ticket without your impressive intellect and Cheney’s dazzling charisma? Well, here’s one suggestion. A Spears-Madonna ticket.

I’d vote for them.