The Mid-Apocalypse Review
by Giulianna LamannaWe are currently experiencing the most powerful hurricane season on record. 2005 looks set to be the second hottest year on record. The United States is expected to experience more extreme weather in the years still to come. New Mexico is getting warmer, and is expected to continue on that path. Its state tree, the pinon pine, is dying off. The Puget Sound region is also experiencing ominous changes.
Across the pond, a reduction of wind is threatening the Netherlands’ iconic windmills. Russia’s northern coast is being eaten by the sea. The small village of Bykovsky is in danger of being sunk under the Arctic sea. The permafrost is thawing and melting to reveal ancient mammoth bones.
In Africa, as though the Bushman didn’t have enough problems, the tree they use to make their quivers is moving south. The Sahel is getting wetter. Rising sea temperatures are destroying the coral reefs.
Meanwhile, Antarctica is melting and there’s a drought going on in the Amazon rainforest. But is it global warming or just natural weather cycles?
“We’ve never gone through global temperature changes like this before,” says David Gutzler, a climatologist at the University of New Mexico. “But if we’re waiting for 100 percent ironclad proof, we’ll just have to keep going and see what happens.”
“I’ve been pounding a nail into my head, and the blood trickling down sometimes runs into the corners of my mouth,” says our very own Jason Godesky. “It has lots of protein and vitamins and minerals, so I don’t want to give that up, but I understand that some people think if I drive this nail any further into my head, it might kill me. Seems like speculation to me. And am I supposed to give up protein, vitamins and minerals for just so much rampant speculation?”
This just on msn.com:
APOCALYPSE, NOW?
Katrina, other disasters fuel doomsday predictions
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9731623/
Excerpts:
Many evangelical Christians believe these events signal the End Times, as spelled out in the Book of Revelation, which go something like this: First there is the Rapture, in which God’s loyal followers suddenly disappear from Earth and enter his kingdom. Then comes the Tribulation, a seven-year period of rule by the Antichrist and severe hardship on Earth. During this time, nonbelievers who remain on Earth will have a chance to convert to Christianity but will be hounded by the Antichrist and his minions. Then comes Armageddon, when God comes back to defeat Satan in a devastating battle. Ultimately, there is Judgment Day, when those who are with God live on in Paradise, and others are eternally condemned to Hell.
Well, if you interpret “Hell” to mean “Civilization”, does that mean that Civilization is gonna be around in some form eternally?? Hoo boy. Let’s hope Hell’s at least pretty small…
Some Web sites serve as a pulpit for those who believe that God sent Katrina to smite New Orleans for its sinning ways and to send a warning to the rest of the nation.
I agree. WARNING: Don’t build a giant city 10 feet below sea level and right on the ocean and a giant river. And CERTAINLY don’t build it AGAIN after I already smote it once, fer cryin’ out loud!
Religious groups don’t have a monopoly on apocalyptic thinking. O’Leary says that even in secular circles, people also embrace apocalyptic thinking when it converges with worrisome scientific or technological developments.
Hmm, now I wonder who he could be talking about… hey, does this sound familiar to anyone?
Roxy
Comment by Raku — 20 October 2005 @ 4:58 PM
I’m gonna take a different look at the fantastical fundie forecast:
[quote]Many evangelical Christians believe these events signal the End Times, as spelled out in the Book of Revelation, which go something like this:
First there is the Rapture, in which God’s loyal followers suddenly disappear from Earth and enter his kingdom.[/quote]
This is the initial die-off due to a global infrastructural collapse, where the least adapted and most dependent are quickly “gonners”.
[quote]Then comes the Tribulation, a seven-year period of rule by the Antichrist and severe hardship on Earth. During this time, nonbelievers who remain on Earth will have a chance to convert to Christianity but will be hounded by the Antichrist and his minions [/quote]
This is the resurgence of the tribe (the tribulation!) and quite a nasty period for the remaining civilized - as they fight to hang onto their former levels of complexity, energy, control and hierarchy. During this time, the civilized have a chance to convert to a new tribal way - or be hounded into their own extinction.
[quote]Then comes Armageddon, when God comes back to defeat Satan in a devastating battle. Ultimately, there is Judgment Day, when those who are with God live on in Paradise, and others are eternally condemned to Hell. [/quote]
The gods of the earth return, muster their power, and deliver civilization it’s final death blow. Ultimately, there is judgment day, when those who are with the gods live in Paradise on Earth, and the others are eternally condemned to… (well, eternal condemnation is bad enough, ain’t it?)
-Jim
Comment by JCamasto — 20 October 2005 @ 5:34 PM
“The gods of the earth return, muster their power, and deliver civilization it’s final death blow. Ultimately, there is judgment day, when those who are with the gods live in Paradise on Earth, and the others are eternally condemned to… (well, eternal condemnation is bad enough, ain’t it?)”
I thought the whole point of having Jesus come to earth to be sacrificed was to avoid any further need for punishment of the human race??
Comment by Peter — 20 October 2005 @ 6:07 PM
Here’s an idea for a possible future article. There appears to be a universal fantasy/wish for some cataclysmic event which ends life as we know it.
The bible-thumpers have their rapture and apocalypse.
Others believe (wish) Peak Oil will return us to an ancient way of life as firagers.
Still others follow the Myan calender which promises big changes in 2012.
It would be interesting to look into this.
Comment by Peter — 20 October 2005 @ 6:12 PM
Actually, I had already decided to write that article, like, tomorrow. Look out for, “The Eschatology of the Left.” (I’ll be rehashing a good bit of my IshCon presentation)
Comment by Jason Godesky — 20 October 2005 @ 8:35 PM
Well, it’s not my story - I was just reversing the spin on the fundie’s story and playing it out. But your point fits in there, nicely reversed as it is…
And in the end, I didn’t even make the civ hold-outs go to hell; they get to live out their fate on earth… Extinction.
-Jim
Comment by JCamasto — 21 October 2005 @ 12:07 AM
Okay, let’s have some fun here…:)
First there is the Rapture, in which God’s loyal followers suddenly disappear from Earth and enter his kingdom.
This is the initial die-off due to a global infrastructural collapse, where the least adapted and most dependent are quickly “gonners”.
But the tribes are God’s loyal followers, not the civilizationists! The Rapture is the tribes re-entering God’s kingdom, ie Paradise, ie “the forest”.
Then comes the Tribulation, a seven-year period of rule by the Antichrist and severe hardship on Earth. During this time, nonbelievers who remain on Earth will have a chance to convert to Christianity but will be hounded by the Antichrist and his minions
This is the resurgence of the tribe (the tribulation!) and quite a nasty period for the remaining civilized - as they fight to hang onto their former levels of complexity, energy, control and hierarchy. During this time, the civilized have a chance to convert to a new tribal way - or be hounded into their own extinction.
The Antichrist are the remaining civs, not the tribalists. Budding tribes will indeed have to go through hardships as they try to work out an entirely new way of life while fending off or avoiding struggling civilizationists. And I do like the “tribulation” reference. Both “tribe” and “tribulation” are from Latin, the former tribus originally referring to a division of the Roman people, the latter tribulare meaning to press or oppress. Anyways, it is an interesting English coincidence.
Then comes Armageddon, when God comes back to defeat Satan in a devastating battle. Ultimately, there is Judgment Day, when those who are with God live on in Paradise, and others are eternally condemned to Hell.
The gods of the earth return, muster their power, and deliver civilization it’s final death blow. Ultimately, there is judgment day, when those who are with the gods live in Paradise on Earth, and the others are eternally condemned to… (well, eternal condemnation is bad enough, ain’t it?)
Yup, I would say being condemned to an eternity of Neolithic-level agrigulture and hierarchy (the original punishment of Adam and Eve) would be pretty hellish.
Man, this Bible book is really quite amazing! Too bad more people don’t read it…:)
Roxy
Comment by Raku — 21 October 2005 @ 9:32 AM
“The Eschatology of the Left.” I’ve been meaning to write this for a while now….
Comment by Jason Godesky — 21 October 2005 @ 10:42 AM
Uh, ran out of english - time to lean on our old Greek crutch…
Enter Hurricane Ω Alpha
Comment by JCamasto — 22 October 2005 @ 5:40 PM
My God, are we already at Omega Alpha?
Comment by Benjamin Shender — 23 October 2005 @ 12:26 AM
No, but we now officially have Tropical Depression Alpha. So, to amend that list of records I opened “Once in a Lifetime” with:
Tied formost storms in a single season. Tied for most hurricanes in a single season. Most category V hurricanes in a single season. Most powerful season on record. Most powerful hurricane. First use of the “V” or “W” names, ever. Only the second season to ever use the “R,” “S,” or “T” names. Earliest formations of a season’s fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth and eleventh storms. Most storms in July; most storms before August. First hurricane to make landfall in Spain.And now you can add, first time we’ve ever had to break out the Greek alphabet.
And we’ve still got all of November, folks…. I’m expecting to see Gamma before this is all through.
Comment by Jason Godesky — 23 October 2005 @ 11:02 AM
And bringing it all together again, from Jeff Masters:
Well, at least there is symmetry.
Comment by Jason Godesky — 23 October 2005 @ 12:35 PM
What’s the plan in future decades when they run out of Omegas?
Arabic?
- Chuck
Comment by Chuck — 23 October 2005 @ 3:10 PM
And it seems to have finished our drought… thank you for it! Anyway it did not arrive as hurricane, it was only a big and nice storm.
Comment by Question — 26 October 2005 @ 6:26 AM
I think some day US president will wake up when he/or she finds that the white house has vanished in a hurricane while he/or she was sleeping.
Comment by nobody — 15 May 2007 @ 6:11 AM