Giulianna Lamanna is a godless Communist tree-hugging hippie bent on world domination. Being half-Jewish, she controls half the media. Being half-Italian, she controls half the mafia. Sometimes she'll have the mafia randomly attack the media, purely for her own amusement. It's a pretty sweet deal.
When she's not using her innate liberal powers of evil to destroy all moral standards, Giuli enjoys viciously murdering kittens, puppies, and bunny rabbits. She harbors an intense hatred of America because of its freedom. Her fondest wish is for the American economy to weaken so she can overthrow the government and replace it with a one-party dictatorship in which all are forced to worship They Might Be Giants. Later on, she will expand the Amerikan Socialist Republic's borders to invade Canada, Mexico, and anyone who looks at her funny. Get used to bowing down before Giuli now; it'll make it easier for you when she finally wrests control of the entire planet.
When I first heard that someone was making a documentary exploring everything we’ve been talking about for years, I said that it “might just be the greatest thing since no bread.” Then the filmmakers sent us an advance review copy, which we promptly whored out to everyone who came over to our apartment because, guess what? It was the greatest thing since no bread. We liked this movie so much, we started planning a screening here in Pittsburgh, which will be immediately preceded by a two-day rewilding unconference. Now I have excellent news: you don’t have to wait for the “Get Tim and Sally Out of Debt” tour to come to your town to see this vitally important documentary. Now you can buy it on DVD!
Some years back, I went with my mother to the Catskill Animal Sanctuary, a place that provided a home for abused and mistreated farm animals. There, founder Kathy Stevens introduced us to an extraordinary ram named Rambo (of course). “Rambo, a majestic Jacob sheep, was one of 17 large animals packed into a single stall, fed with occasional moldy bagels, carcasses decomposing underfoot. Rambo arrived at the sanctuary angry and frightened enough to throw a human across the barn. But it’s a year later now, and Rambo’s most assertive gesture is his lean: he demands a head scratch from all visitors by leaning against their legs.”1 But when my mom and I arrived, Rambo didn’t lean against us; he was keeping vigil in the pen of an animal new to the farm. You see, whenever a new animal is brought in, invariably feeling frightened and confused, Rambo spends all his time in that animal’s pen, sleeping with it and helping it eat if necessary, until the animal feels more comfortable in its new home. Rambo then moves back into his own pen until the next new animal comes onto the farm. While most (civilized) people assume that animals have no emotions or memories and will accuse me of anthropomorphizing, I can’t escape the conclusion that Rambo remembers his own difficult transition and has devoted the rest of his life to helping other animals find their way through their own.
Last week, cartoonist Tom Fishburne posted a new political cartoon on his blog called The Art of Greenwashing, which he says “sprang fully formed from a New York Times piece on the ridiculous lengths that some brands are going to be considered for the Home Depot Eco Options promotion (including, yes, a brand of electric chainsaw).”
